Breakups: How to Slowly Build Resilience

Breakups are never easy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. It doesn’t matter how long you and your ex were together, it‘s never simple to let go and move on. But figuring out how to move forward is necessary. Building resilience is one of the most important steps in this process.  

Here are some tips on how to slowly build resilience and get back on your feet after a breakup:

Process and embrace your feelings

After a breakup, you might feel confused, upset, angry, relieved, etc., and all those feelings are completely valid. This is the moment to process and embrace those feelings, knowing that they are necessary to your personal development and to building resilience. Therefore, if you have to cry, scream, laugh, feel pain, or any other feeling: do it. It’s totally okay to feel all your feels.

Take your time to heal

A breakup is a loss, and like every loss, we have to experience the stages and take our time to heal. Being able to respect your time, whether taking a long time or not, is essential. When you get to the other side, you will feel how significant and worth it was taking your time to heal when you had to. In the end, you will become a more resilient person.

Hold on to your support network

It is normal to feel lonely when you break up a relationship. But instead of going for the next person only to fulfill a void or a need (that you may think you have right now), try to hold on to your social support network. Go out with your friends, invite them over and make a special dinner for them, spend time with your family, and try to experience things other than romantic relationships. In the end, you will understand that no matter what, you will always have your social support network to back you up.

Do things that make you feel good

Sounds obvious, but it needs to be said. Nothing sounds better than take a breakup period to rediscover yourself and learn some lessons. Being comfortable in your own skin and presence is essential, especially if you are hurting. Doing this will definitely help you understand some things, get back on your feet and become a better person, and who knows, be prepared for a new relationship. Enjoy this time doing things that make you feel good. Take a solo trip to rethink some aspects of your life, resume that hobby you had on pause, explore a new one, be grateful for what you have now, and take some lessons from the breakup. When you focus on yourself, you become more resilient and ready to face the new chapters of your life. But remember, this is a slow process, and you don't need to rush to get over the breakup. Slowly building resilience is the best way to do it, as you will create a solid, grounded balance.

Therapy or Support Groups

Breakups can greatly impact your confidence, self-esteem, and also make you feel lost and confused. The loss of attachment can create an intense feeling of vulnerability and make you feel exposed. Many people report that they feel they don’t know or recognize themselves anymore and are now on journey to find themselves again. All this can seem daunting to try to process this on your own. This would be a great time to reach out to a therapist that specializes in processing grief, loss, and relationships. Finding support groups that create a space for you to safely discuss your breakup experience is a powerful way to release negative emotions and feel less isolated.

Begin Counseling & Experience the Benefits of Therapy for Breakup Support

Yes! It’s true that breakups SUCK! Sometimes it’s not easy to start therapy or tap into being vulnerable and honest about how hard it has been to move on from your breakup. Group therapy is an excellent space to process those emotions, scream, cry, or just listen until you get the courage to tell your story. Group therapy may sound scary because you are sharing intimate feelings that scare you, make you feel shame, or embarrassed but this space is for you to know that you are not alone and that your feelings are valid and that you are valuable no matter how flawed you are. NEWSFLASH… We all are! You get to share your story and struggles, connect with other men or women (depending on your group) that may be experiencing the same challenges you are, and also benefit from their experiences. Group therapy offers an exclusive, close-knit community of people to heal, grow, and learn about and become a more authentic version of themselves.

You can begin getting the individual or group support you need by following these simple steps:

• Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

• Setting up your client portal and booking an appointment

• Begin meeting with me for group therapy or individual counseling, processing your emotions, and learning new ways to communicate, discuss difficult emotions, and learn the best way for you to cope.

• Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to connect with other men who are dealing with similar challenges

What Can I Do to Stop Avoiding My Feelings?

Many people today are encouraged to suppress their feelings and emotions for various reasons. You are expected to remain professional, and kids are taught that expressing emotions makes you weak. This avoidance, however, can cause feelings to fester and grow into serious problems, such as anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to address your feelings and work on not avoiding them.

Mindfulness

One of the best ways you can stop avoiding emotions is to be aware of them. Taking time out of your day to observe yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings are mindfulness. Being mindful will help you learn who you are as a person and how to accept yourself exactly the way you are. It can also teach you about how and why you feel certain emotions, and you’ll learn to express them properly instead of burying them within.

Meditation

The company, Headspace, defines meditation as training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. It is an easy and effective way to begin to confront your feelings and work through them by utilizing the regular practice of meditation. Research has shown that it can help with even more serious issues such as anxiety and depression. So, it’s time to engage in meditation so you can hold space for those thoughts and emotions.

Deal With Your Emotions Immediately (or At Least As Soon As Possible)

It is common to want to repress emotions. It can be a way of coping but it can also be a way to escape dealing with your emotions. The problem rarely ends up being dealt with it. This is why it is good practice to decide to work through your emotions when they come around. Emotions can feel heavy and unbearable but stuffing them away can create anxiety or anger. Thoughts and feelings that go unresolved or unchecked always seem to show up in the most unexpected places like your friendships, relationships, and even at work.

Overall, it can be a challenging task to make the decision to address your thoughts and emotions. With therapy, you learn to stop avoiding your feelings, process them, and find the root cause of them. In a therapeutic space, you can practice mindfulness and meditation in a way that will gradually help you be more comfortable with holding space for those uncomfortable feelings and get more comfortable with processing them.

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If you’re struggling with running away from your feelings, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those thoughts and emotions. I offer adult counseling and online support groups. Contact me today or schedule a free consultation session.

Benefits of Group Therapy For Men

Group Therapy For Men’s Mental Health

Each day more, we understand the importance of talking about things we are going through right now or past experiences that caused an impact on our mental health today. For men, open up to a therapist alone can be difficult at first. Social roles men have to take on usually give them no space to speak freely about the issues they are going through. Group therapy can be this channel for men. Check in this article some ways group therapy can be beneficial for men:

Sense of Belonging

Most men who arrive in group therapy don't know that other guys like him are struggling with personal issues or are facing similar problems. Group therapy for men can create a sense of belonging for those men who think they have no support. It helps them realize they are not alone. Or even that, their problem is more common than they think, as other guys can be going through basically the same issues.

Self Expression of Feelings for Men

As mentioned before, men's social roles have made it hard for them to express their feelings genuinely. Many men struggle with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues and don't know how and where they can open up to deal with these concerns. Group therapy can be a safe space where men can express, elaborate, and feel all the feelings they've been accumulating throughout life. And with that, help other guys too.

Network of Support for Men

Once men realize they are not alone, this can help them form a support network. Men group therapy can provide a space for guys to relate to other men's issues in healthier manners. They can speak freely and without any judgments, hear other guys and be heard in their concerns, and help one another elaborate complex feelings. Group therapy for men provides a community-like space for them.

Improve Interpersonal Communication

When you learn to talk about your feelings in group therapy, you become more prepared to communicate with other people in your life, like your partner, your family, your friends, your kids, etc. Group therapy helps you understand that it is ok to be vulnerable and open up to others you trust. Maybe you never knew how to approach and communicate your feelings or actions. Therapy groups can improve your interpersonal communication on many levels. Now that you know the benefits of group therapy for men, you can start searching for a group to attend to your needs. Therapy groups can happen online and be just as effective as in-person support group. Find the modality that best suits your interests. And do not be afraid to go out there to talk about your feelings and deal with mental health issues.

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Begin Counseling & Experience the Benefits Group Therapy for Men

It’s not easy to start therapy or tap into being vulnerable and honest about what you may be struggling with. Group therapy may sound scary because you are sharing a therapeutic space with others but that is the greatest part of group therapy. You get to share your story and struggles, connect with other men that may be experiencing the same challenges you are, and also benefit from their experiences. Group therapy offers an exclusive, close-knit community of men to heal, grow, and learn about and become a more authentic version of themselves.

Group support for men or can help or you can begin getting the support you need through individual therapy by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

2. Begin meeting with me for group therapy, processing your emotions and learning new ways to communicate, discuss difficult emotions, and learn the best way for you to cope.

3. Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to connect with other men who are dealing with similar challenges

4 Tips for Co-parenting with Maturity and Grace

Effective co-parenting is crucial for your child’s mental and emotional well-being. But that often involves navigating complex emotions. The early stages of co-parenting are often high-conflict, anxiety-inducing periods. It’s crucial that you overcome your negative feelings toward your ex when trying to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship. Here’s how.

Redefine Your Relationship With Your Co-parent

Putting aside your emotions about your break-up is a critical skill, especially in the early stages of co-parenting. Aim to establish a more neutral, businesslike relationship with your ex. Just like in business, it’s a nice bonus to be friends with your coworkers, but it isn’t always feasible and isn’t necessary to building a good working relationship.

Shift your mindset to see your co-parent as your partner – not in life or romance, but in rearing your child. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a good place to start.

Understand and Accept Your Child’s Love for Their Other Parent

It can be hard to hear your child talk positively about your co-parent, especially if you’ve had a rocky relationship with your ex. But never interfere with your child’s ability to spend time with their other parent (unless you have a concrete reason to suspect abuse or mistreatment). Resist the urge to talk badly about their other parent; this can damage your child in ways you might not even realize.

Never put your child in the middle or use them as a messenger. Never vent to your child about your co-parent. That’s what friends, therapists, and even attentive pets are for.

Make Room for Differing Parenting Styles

Transitioning from being the primary caregiver to your child and working as a team to having 2 separate households is a challenging shift for most parents. Give your ex the same respect you want from them, accepting your different parenting styles.

Pick your battles. If you home-make your child’s lunch every day and discover your co-parent sends your child to school with Lunchables or convenience foods, consider whether that’s worth an argument before you bring up your concerns to your co-parent. Your child will adapt to the different styles better than you think. In fact, some kids actually benefit from it.

Put Your Child’s Needs First

Co-parenting can feel far from ideal; most people never dream of co-parenting with their ex. But keep your child’s wellbeing at the forefront of your mind. Studies have shown that stressors and instability during the early stages of development can lead to children’s bodies overproducing the stress hormone cortisol, which changes your child’s brain structure, impact their impulse control, and can contribute to developing depression.

Now, this isn’t to scare you as a parent. It’s to remind you that your child’s physical and mental health come first. Although co-parenting can be frustrating, it’s still possible to raise a happy, healthy child whose parents don’t live together.

If you’re struggling with negative feelings about your ex or the particularities of co-parenting, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those emotions. I offer co parent counseling and an online co parent support group. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.

How to Deal with Depression After the Loss of a Loved One

Depression is surprisingly common, especially after the loss of a loved one. If you or one of your loved ones is suffering from depression, it is important to first understand that it cannot be cured quickly or easily. Dealing with depression takes time, patience, and requires empathy from others. However, there are a few strategies that can be helpful with dealing with depression.

Therapy

Therapy is a great, effective first choice when dealing with depression. Therapy can help you and/or your loved ones process complex and difficult emotions in a healthy way. A good therapist can give you tools to understand your depression and cope with it more effectively so that you can continue surviving and thriving in your life.

There are many different types of therapy to choose from, including cognitive behavioral therapy, family therapy, group therapy, mindfulness therapy, EMDR therapy, and emotion-focused therapy. Each of these types of therapy has been shown to be effective for clients. There is no one right way to choose a therapy or a therapist. It’s important to keep an open mind and keep trying until you find a therapist with whom you can connect and honestly express yourself.

Natural & Alternative Solutions

In addition to therapy, there are several natural solutions which have been found to help ease feelings of depression and anxiety. CBD oil in specific has been found to be effective in dealing with depression and anxiety. CBD oil can give you more energy by lifting you up from feelings of depression. CBD oil is commonly taken under the tongue. Not to be confused with marijuana, CBD is legal in many states and is non-addictive.

Antidepressant Medication

If you’re experiencing severe and prolonged depression due to the death of a loved one (or for any reason ) that is consistently disrupting your relationships, routines, emotional health or work-life, prescription medication can help. If you are interested in using prescription medication for your mental health, it is important to find a good psychiatrist who can treat and prescribe the right medication for your needs. There are thousands of different types of medication, so having a good psychiatrist who can help you is essential. When choosing a medication, it’s a good idea to try to find one with low side effects and begin taking it gradually so your body can get used to it.

Finally, when dealing with depression, remember to be patient both with yourself and your loved ones. Depression is never easy. Some days will be better than others. Remember that you are loved and that there is hope. You are not alone.

If you or someone in your family is suffering from depression after losing a loved one, psychotherapy can provide great relief. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.

Coparenting During COVID-19 Outbreak

Schools and other places of business are shutting down let and right and that means that there could be potential coparenting disruptions for your family. These disruptions could affect childcare, job attendance, and/or visitation schedules. Before there the panic sets in let’s dig into what the coronavirus is and what you can do to minimize or ease the affect of its impact on your coparenting situation.

First, What is Coronavirus (COVID-19)?

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) defines the coronavirus as a respiratory illness that can spread from person to person. The virus that causes COVID-19 is a new coronavirus that was first identified during an investigation into an outbreak in Wuhan, China. The virus can grow easily in people’s noses and throats and may be transmitted before people are aware they are sick.

Yale Medicine states that while many people globally have built up immunity to seasonal flu strains, COVID-19 is a new virus to which no one has immunity. This speaks to why there is a wait or timetable for a vaccine there has to be testing and clinical trials what can be over a year or more to produce. The quarantine or community isolation has been implemented by many states in order to slow down the transmission of this highly infectious virus because there is no vaccine at this time.

SYMPTOMS

COVID-19 may present with slower onset of illness, mild headache and body ache and mild/absent fever. Symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure. Yale New Haven Health

CDC Reports COVID-19 illness ranges from mild symptoms to severe illness and death for confirmed coronavirus disease cases.

The following symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure.

• Fever

• Cough

• Shortness of breath

If you develop emergency warning signs for COVID-19 get medical attention immediately. Emergency warning signs include*:

• Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath

• Persistent pain or pressure in the chest

• New confusion or inability to arouse

• Bluish lips or face

• *This list is not all inclusive. Please consult your medical provider for any other symptoms that are severe or concerning.

DO THE FIVE: HELP SLOW THE SPREAD (FROM WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION)

• HANDS Wash them often

• ELBOW Cough into it

• FACE Don't touch it

• FEET Stay more than 3ft apart

• FEEL sick? Stay home

Make sure you stay updated with the Coronavirus and do your research. This will limit any panic or anxiety because you will aware of any new developments.

COMMUNICATION DURING CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK

With the coronavirus shutdown in full swing, it can impact you coparenting situation in a very real way. Many schools are closed and using digital days to maintain academics during the community isolation to slow down the virus. This is no need to panic but we do need to adjust.

It’s important to maintain communication with your coparent to keep them updated with schedule changes and visitation changes that they may not be aware of. Keeping them in the loop will lower stress and anxiety, arguments, and confusion.

Tips to maintain communication:

• Make sure to check messages or return calls that coparent makes. They may have important information to give you

• Confirm that coparent knows of closures or schools, sporting events, or other extracurricular activities due to the COVID-19 shutdown

• Keep coparent updated if you notice symptoms in the child.

• Don’t relay messages through the children. Use all modes of communication Text/Calls/Emails

• If you need schedule accommodations because of school closures contact your coparent. If they are resistant contact a third party like an attorney, mediator, parent coordinator, or therapist to discuss upcoming needs.

Schedules and Parenting Time

Your parenting time is valuable but with the coronavirus affecting school and daycare closures it could impact drop off and pick up times. Parents may have their travel times impacted and may become ill themselves. It’s important to take that into consideration since the virus is highly contagious. Will the children stay longer with a parent that has been unknowingly exposed? Will you be able to agree on an alternate visitation schedule a parent or child is exposed?

Tips:

• Be flexible (It’s likely that work schedules and visitation schedules will be impacted)

• Clearly communicate changes, needs of child or parenting times

• Don’t get sucked into a tug of war

• Be mindful of parenting time and visitation schedule

• Keep the child’s stress level at a minimum

• If child can’t access other parent physically because of the coronavirus shutdown make sure that they can communicate with the other parent via phone, text, or video.

• Make sure the family calendar is consistently updated

Health and Medical Issues

Many children have various types of illnesses that cause them to have compromised immune systems or are currently sick with the flu or common cold. It is important to make sure the coparent is aware of illnesses or doctor visits By doing this you eliminate viruses that may be on your hands and avoid infection that could occur by then touching your eyes, mouth, and nose.

It is important to keep the most vulnerable healthy. So here are some tips that will help you and your coparent deal with navigating the outbreak while protecting the children:

• Don’t Panic it will only cause more stress, fighting, confusion,

• Make sure your you and your kids follow the Five recommended steps- 1. wash hands frequently and use sanitizer if you don’t have access to water 2. cover your mouth when coughing and cough into your elbow to slow the transmission of droplets 3. Don’t tough your face especially if you haven’t washed your hands 4. Stay 3ft away from others if you have to go out. 5. If you or your child feels sick keep them at home.

• Face masks will not help slow the spread of the virus only the sick should have the masks. If they are sick they should stay home

• Clean and disinfect high-touch surfaces daily in household common areas (e.g. tables, hard-backed chairs, doorknobs, light switches, remotes, handles, desks, toilets, sinks) This will help as coparents who are trying to maintain visitation schedules and will lower the spread of germs from house to house.

• Make sure the children take their prescriptions correctly and if they have the flu or any other seasonal illness, try to keep the other parent updated on medication changes and doctor visits.

Seeking Professionals

If there are issues with have difficulty navigating the changes that may occur with the Coronavirus you may want to seek legal or professional help to figure out how to successfully accommodate the children’s needs and the possible change in visitation schedules.

If you need to seek an attorney, parent coordinator, mediator, or therapist consider these tips:

• To lower transmission of the coronavirus consider contacting the professional via phone, email, or video

• To continue therapy sessions make sure that your therapist is equipped to see you virtually and that their virtual tools are HIPAA Compliant.

• You may have to consider rescheduling if these professionals don’t have time in their schedule open or don’t have the right tools to see you virtually.

• Again be as FLEXIBLE as you can even if your coparent is being difficult. If all else fails with communicating with your coparent just STICK TO THE PARENTING PLAN.

Begin Counseling & Learn to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

We can all get through this pandemic successfully, if we use common sense, not panic, and be considerate of others. If you feel like this situation has increased your anxiety use these 3 steps to get the help you need.

Coparenting Group support or individual therapy help or you can begin getting the support you need through by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

2. Begin meeting with me for individual therapy, processing how the outbreak is affecting you, your kids, and your coparenting situation.

3. Lower your stress and figure out what you can control and how you to be able to coparent with less stress.

Help, My Coparent May Be A Narcissist!

Yes, I am sure that you have heard many coparents diagnose their out-of-control coparent as a narcissist. Especially, when that coparent has dealt with a mountain of manipulation and stonewalling for their toxic coparent. But what really qualifies a coparent to be defined as a narcissist. What does that look like?

First, What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The Mayo Clinic defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as one of several types of personality disorders. It is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissist, man or woman, is really a something to see because frankly it’s unbelievable the efforts they go to to gain control over a situation. This person definitely keeps you on your toes and in a permanent state of TWILIGHT ZONE. This personality type wants to be seen as a person that has it all together and their main mode of power and control is to negate and deny.

Narcissist Personality Traits In Coparenting. What does it look like?

Self-absorbed and indifferent- Coparents that exhibit this narcissistic trait often feel overly confident about their parenting. They are indifferent and dismissive to how you parenting style and can be very critical and make you feel incompetent. This type of coparenting has to preserve their sense of self by inflating their personality value and devaluing the targeted parent. This occurs because the narcissistic parent can’t tolerate or withstand any type of bruising of their ego like a child wanting to be with the other parent. When this occurs the targeted parent receives unprovoked attacks.

Charming and Persuasive- Narcissistic type coparents can seem charming to unsuspecting outsiders or even their own children. They use this tactic to manipulate and to create loyalty conflict within the child causing the child to dismiss and often demonize the targeted parent. They are careful not to allow the child to see them in a negative light so they can maintain the loyalty conflict and reject the targeted parent.

Lack Empathy- True narcissists lack the ability to empathize with others. When a coparent is exhibiting this trait they can’t seem to place themselves in a position to understand the targeted parent. Empathy requires the person to look outside themselves to truly gauge and comprehend someone else’s experiences. Narcissistic coparents would not be able to do this properly as it would disregard their own self-importance. In a coparenting situation, this would likely show considerable indifference and callousness towards the targeted parent.

Sensitive to Criticism or Perceived Threats- In this situation the coparent would lash out at the slightly perceived critical statement even if it was completely innocent. Ex. “I wouldn’t take Myles to the park today. He wasn’t feeling well at school.” The narcissistic coparent would see this as an attack on his or her parenting or perceive it as a threat to his or her parenting time.

How Narcissistic Coparent Makes You Feel

Dealing with a coparent that showcases narcissistic traits tend to make the targeted parent feel inadequate, devalued, alienated, or manipulated. Inadequacy shows up when the narcissistic coparent is consistently highlighting what the targeted parent is perceived to be doing wrong. Their way is right and the targeted parent’s way is 100% wrong. They attack parenting choices and can successfully persuade the child that the targeted parent is inadequate and convince the child to align a with them and verbally or mentally attack the targeted parent. Targeted parents are made to feel devalued by the use of antagonizing tactics, bad-mouthing, and false accusations. These things cause the targeted parent to second guess their decisions and cause them to back down or give in.

A targeted parent may feel out of control, distressed, guilt, or shame. In reality, the narcissistic parent is projecting onto the targetEd parent how they themselves feel. The targeted parent is made to feel like what the narcissistic coparent fears the most which is their own insecurities being discovered, rage, envious of the targeted parent, feeling unimportant or unseen, disregarded or ignored, and fear of losing the admiration or love of the child.

Tips to Deal With Your Narcissistic Coparent

When dealing with a coparent with narcissistic traits, first understand that they may not be properly diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but are showing some telltale signs that you need to be aware of. It is always important that you as the targeted parent know that a narcissist’s main goal is to be destructive in your relationship as a parent, to gaslight you, to manipulate, target your weaknesses and hide their own, charm the child and others into submission, and maintain their own self-image and position by damaging yours.

Important Tips

• Maintain IRONCLAD boundaries and don’t budge or give in.

• Don’t seek validation from them

• Stick to your guns (and the parenting plan). Don’t flip flop on decisions to accommodate the narcissistic coparent

• Stick to the FACTS. Don’t allow the coparent to rope you in by gaslighting you.

• Empathy is NOT their middle name so do share intimate details about your life. (It will probably be used against you later. They like to keep an arsenal to eventually blow up your life.

• Don’t compete with a narcissist it feels like you are gaslighting them and they repay you by making your life a living HELL and will use the children to do it.

Once you are well versed on parenting with a narcissist you will be equipped to handle them without it consistently affecting your relationships, your image of yourself, or your mental health. To protect your mental health and the mental health of your loved ones, seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist in healing from your abuse. You and your children deserve peace of mind.

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Begin Counseling & Learn to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

It’s not easy to coparent with your ex under these circumstances. You have to have contact because of the children. But you need to learn to communicate more effectively. You need support.

Coparenting Group support or Divorce Counseling can help or you can begin getting the support you need through individual therapy by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

2. Begin meeting with me for individual therapy, processing your emotions and learning new ways to interact with your ex.

3. Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to coparent with less stress.

3 Steps for Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Many people struggle with abusive relationships. If you're stuck in an abusive relationship, you can feel scared and hopeless. Thankfully, even if you feel like you can't escape, there is a way out. Detailed below are three steps for leaving an abusive relationship.

Find the Courage

The first step in leaving an abusive relationship is to find the courage to go. This can be difficult, especially if you're not the only one in danger. Woman’s Divorce cautions that in many domestic violence cases, children are held hostage by the abusive partner. It’s okay to be afraid, but recognize that leaving will improve the lives of everybody involved. If you're having difficulty leaving, form a support network. Therapists, lawyers, friends, family-- anyone who can help you find the courage to break out and will support you in doing so. This will be a long process, but you can do it. Have faith in yourself.

Obtain Protection

Unfortunately, once you begin taking steps to leave the relationship, things will probably get worse before they get better. Milligan, Beswick, Levine & Knox points out that many domestic abuse victims find abusive relationships difficult to terminate. When a victim finds the courage to end the relationship or seek help, they can experience even greater abuse in the aftermath of making that decision, and the increase of abuse can often lead many victims to remain in abusive relationships because of their inability to safely terminate the relationship. To counteract the risk of domestic violence, reach out to your support network. Leverage them for protection. Use the resources you have to ensure your safety and the safety of your family, and inquire about finding trained professionals to provide you more protection. You may need them.

Receive Aftercare

Once you’ve ensured the safety of you and your loved ones, it is important to receive aftercare. Studies show that 68.3% of domestic violence victims experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD in domestic violence victims often manifests as depression, anxiety, or chemical dependency. This is why aftercare is so important. To protect your mental health and the mental health of your loved ones, seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist in healing from your abuse.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be a scary and difficult process. In the end, the decision to leave will make life better for everybody involved. You and your family deserve safety and peace of mind. Have faith in yourself and don’t give up. Things can and will get better.

3 Ways to Retrain Your Brain to Reduce Stress

You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who'd argue that they want to experience more stress. However, it's often difficult for many people to reduce their stress levels. It can be futile to try to eradicate stress entirely as well as counterintuitive, as stress can be good. However, a brain fixated on stress isn't of much use. If you want to retrain your brain to reduce stress, these three methods will definitely help.

Cognitive Reframing

One way to not get stressed is to avoid stressful situations. However, that's beyond wishful thinking, as stressful situations are inevitable, and the more you try to avoid them, the worse they may become. Sometimes, the stress is not actually coming from the situations themselves. It's usually how we're viewing them. Cognitive reframing involves looking at a stressful situation from a different angle and seeing how you might be exaggerating a problem or avoiding a solution. Instead of just seeing what's bad about the situation, you look on the bright side, no matter how dim it might be.

Neurofeedback Therapy

Have you ever wondered why you think the way you do? Our brains are so fascinating, and we've barely scratched the surface in terms of understanding about its capabilities. Neurofeedback therapy provides insight on how the brain processes information, how decisions are being made, and where breakdowns are happening. In a session, you can get a better sense of your brain and what makes it tick. Should there be any alarming trends, you can work to retrain your brain for better functionality. You might think that you're stuck in a certain mindset for the rest of your life, but that is by no means the case.

Mindfulness

Stress is exacerbated by living in the past and future. This isn't time travel but an unwillingness to accept the present. Mindfulness is the act of keeping the mind fixated on the present moment. This has been shown to dramatically reduce stress and lead to happier and healthier people. It starts with putting your attention on a constant, like the rise and fall of breath. With enough practice, you can instinctually shift into mindfulness whenever stress arises.

The less you identify with stress, the more freedom you can find. You can recognize stress, but you can avoid being controlled by it. Stress isn't inherently bad, but it can be a problem when we let it run amok. Do your best to confront stress and see how much better it makes you feel.

For other ways to retrain your brain and reduce stress, individual counseling can help!

3 Ways to Handle Negative Emotions After Your Divorce

Going through a divorce could be one of the most difficult things you can ever experience. Even if you initiated it, there's still likely to be all kinds of negative emotions running through you. These are some strategies for handling these tough feelings.

Find an Outlet

Negative emotions can't just be destroyed. Instead, they need to be redirected in a positive way. The Second Principle recommends using negative energy to fuel your creative ventures. All the time you spend feeling bad is time that could be spent on productive activities like working out, meditating, or spending time with friends. These outlets won't just make you feel better on their own. They'll require your full engagement in order for you to realize their benefits. It can take effort to feel better, but wallowing in your misery is no solution. When you have outlets for your negative emotions, you can be far less afraid of them.

Aromatherapy

Have you ever smelt something so wonderful that it immediately made you feel better? doTERRA explains how an aroma can hit the receptors in our noses and immediately go into the brain, changing our thought process and immediately changing our moods. Sometimes we tag a certain emotion, like feeling good, with a smell. When we are feeling bad and we reach for that smell again it brings us right back to feeling better because of that association and the immediate response our brain has to that smell. Essential oils can change our moods in a healthy and reliable fashion. Stock up on your favorite scents and have them available for when you're feeling upset or tense. Your negativity can be reduced, one smell at a time.

Self Love

The negative emotions you feel after a divorce might be directed at both your former spouse and yourself. Feeling angry towards yourself is understandable, but it doesn't have to be that way. When you find yourself criticizing yourself for anything, ask yourself if what you're thinking about or calling yourself is actually valid. Anderson and Associates recommends taking time to rediscover yourself. Marriage, children, divorce, and more have powerful effects on your self, and so finding who you are again is necessary. Then, find how you can bring self-love into your life. This could be reading a favorite book, calling a friend, or taking a bubble bath. Whatever you have in mind that's healthy is a worthwhile pursuit.

Negative feelings might feel bad, but that doesn't mean they are bad. Often, you need to express your feelings in a healthy way to be able to move on. Your divorce can be a struggle to get through, but you can persevere. When you look back, you will be able to do so with pride.

How to Partner with Your Coparent

Divorce and separation can have a negative impact on your child, especially when the conflict continues after the breakup. But there several ways you can parent with your ex in a positive and constructive way.

Plan with Purpose

One of the most important things to do with a coparent is to plan with purpose. Because you have a child together, you will have to plan how to parent as well as how you share custody.

Children generally do better with consistent environments and rules, so it’s important to decide early on a shared set of rules, including when bedtime is, what punishments will be, what is off-limits, and so on. Setting a schedule can also help make things easier for all involved. Try to agree on a custody situation that benefits everyone, even though that may be difficult. In the long run, your child will benefit from knowing which parent they will be with at what time.

Communicate with Care

How and when you communicate with your former spouse matters, especially when it comes to raising your children. The one thing that you never want to do is use your child as a messenger. For one, that puts your child in a stressful, awkward situation. Instead, it’s important to communicate one-on-one with your ex about your child and their needs.

Try adapting a business-like tone, imagining your ex as a work colleague. That gives you a bit of distance while also keeping your interactions positive and respectful. You should try and keep your communications focused solely on your child, so that you don’t bring up any hurt feelings or contentious subjects.

Heal Your Own Emotional Wounds

One of the best ways to develop a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse so that you can parent as a team is by healing your own emotional wounds. No matter the reason you are separated or divorced from your ex, the breakup of a relationship can have a negative impact on your mental health. Stress, depression, anxiety, or anger are all normal things that come out of the breakup of one of most important relationships in your life. But the last thing you want to do is take out those negative emotions on your child or use your child as a way to vent your emotions about your ex.

Talking with friends can help to sort out your feelings, or you might seek professional help in the form of a therapist or therapy group for solo parents so you can work on healing yourself in a positive way. One result of your healing is you will be better equipped to interact and coparent with your ex.

By employing these strategies, you will be able to partner with your coparent in way that is positive and constructive, which will make you and your child happier in the end.

3 Simple Things You Can Do to Move on After a Divorce

Yes, divorce is difficult. But once they make peace with the process, most people agree that life after a divorce is much better than trying to coexist with someone who no longer wants to be in your life. The negative feelings that come with a divorce may seem never-ending, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here are three steps you can take to reach it more quickly and move on.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Even if you're the one who wanted the divorce, the process still marks the end of a relationship that played a large role in your life. You can expect your divorce to trigger the same stages of grief that the death of a loved one or another difficult life event would. The process is normal and necessary, so you'll need to let yourself experience it. Although you'll want to make sure you do so in a constructive way, you'll do yourself a favor if you let out your anger and tears, even when they arrive unexpectedly. Trying to control and fight the process only makes it take longer.

Deep Clean

If you're still living in the marital home, it's likely full of reminders. If you moved out, you probably took things with you that you ultimately won't need or want. You should deep clean your home and remove the clutter of personal items that cause you emotional pain. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex, rearrange the furniture and freshen things up with a new coat of paint. Doing this allows you to claim space for yourself that you're no longer sharing with another person or unpleasant memories of them.

Reach Out

Divorce can make you want to pull the covers over your head and stay in bed all day, but it's important that you reach out. There are compelling reasons to spend time with your family and good friends. Doing so gives you a safe place to vent your feelings and serves as a reminder that there is still plenty of love in your life. Make plans with the people who make you feel good and let them work their magic on you.

Following these tips for moving on after your divorce can help make things a little easier. The process isn't a simple one, however, so don't be too hard on yourself if your divorce is taking a bigger toll than expected. Do what you can to help yourself and lean on your loved ones when you need them. If you feel you need more support, consider getting the help of a therapist. Individual and group therapy are great ways to process your feelings so you can move on to a happier life in a healthy way.