Breakups: How to Slowly Build Resilience

Breakups are never easy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. It doesn’t matter how long you and your ex were together, it‘s never simple to let go and move on. But figuring out how to move forward is necessary. Building resilience is one of the most important steps in this process.  

Here are some tips on how to slowly build resilience and get back on your feet after a breakup:

Process and embrace your feelings

After a breakup, you might feel confused, upset, angry, relieved, etc., and all those feelings are completely valid. This is the moment to process and embrace those feelings, knowing that they are necessary to your personal development and to building resilience. Therefore, if you have to cry, scream, laugh, feel pain, or any other feeling: do it. It’s totally okay to feel all your feels.

Take your time to heal

A breakup is a loss, and like every loss, we have to experience the stages and take our time to heal. Being able to respect your time, whether taking a long time or not, is essential. When you get to the other side, you will feel how significant and worth it was taking your time to heal when you had to. In the end, you will become a more resilient person.

Hold on to your support network

It is normal to feel lonely when you break up a relationship. But instead of going for the next person only to fulfill a void or a need (that you may think you have right now), try to hold on to your social support network. Go out with your friends, invite them over and make a special dinner for them, spend time with your family, and try to experience things other than romantic relationships. In the end, you will understand that no matter what, you will always have your social support network to back you up.

Do things that make you feel good

Sounds obvious, but it needs to be said. Nothing sounds better than take a breakup period to rediscover yourself and learn some lessons. Being comfortable in your own skin and presence is essential, especially if you are hurting. Doing this will definitely help you understand some things, get back on your feet and become a better person, and who knows, be prepared for a new relationship. Enjoy this time doing things that make you feel good. Take a solo trip to rethink some aspects of your life, resume that hobby you had on pause, explore a new one, be grateful for what you have now, and take some lessons from the breakup. When you focus on yourself, you become more resilient and ready to face the new chapters of your life. But remember, this is a slow process, and you don't need to rush to get over the breakup. Slowly building resilience is the best way to do it, as you will create a solid, grounded balance.

Therapy or Support Groups

Breakups can greatly impact your confidence, self-esteem, and also make you feel lost and confused. The loss of attachment can create an intense feeling of vulnerability and make you feel exposed. Many people report that they feel they don’t know or recognize themselves anymore and are now on journey to find themselves again. All this can seem daunting to try to process this on your own. This would be a great time to reach out to a therapist that specializes in processing grief, loss, and relationships. Finding support groups that create a space for you to safely discuss your breakup experience is a powerful way to release negative emotions and feel less isolated.

Begin Counseling & Experience the Benefits of Therapy for Breakup Support

Yes! It’s true that breakups SUCK! Sometimes it’s not easy to start therapy or tap into being vulnerable and honest about how hard it has been to move on from your breakup. Group therapy is an excellent space to process those emotions, scream, cry, or just listen until you get the courage to tell your story. Group therapy may sound scary because you are sharing intimate feelings that scare you, make you feel shame, or embarrassed but this space is for you to know that you are not alone and that your feelings are valid and that you are valuable no matter how flawed you are. NEWSFLASH… We all are! You get to share your story and struggles, connect with other men or women (depending on your group) that may be experiencing the same challenges you are, and also benefit from their experiences. Group therapy offers an exclusive, close-knit community of people to heal, grow, and learn about and become a more authentic version of themselves.

You can begin getting the individual or group support you need by following these simple steps:

• Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

• Setting up your client portal and booking an appointment

• Begin meeting with me for group therapy or individual counseling, processing your emotions, and learning new ways to communicate, discuss difficult emotions, and learn the best way for you to cope.

• Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to connect with other men who are dealing with similar challenges

What Can I Do to Stop Avoiding My Feelings?

Many people today are encouraged to suppress their feelings and emotions for various reasons. You are expected to remain professional, and kids are taught that expressing emotions makes you weak. This avoidance, however, can cause feelings to fester and grow into serious problems, such as anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to address your feelings and work on not avoiding them.

Mindfulness

One of the best ways you can stop avoiding emotions is to be aware of them. Taking time out of your day to observe yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings are mindfulness. Being mindful will help you learn who you are as a person and how to accept yourself exactly the way you are. It can also teach you about how and why you feel certain emotions, and you’ll learn to express them properly instead of burying them within.

Meditation

The company, Headspace, defines meditation as training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. It is an easy and effective way to begin to confront your feelings and work through them by utilizing the regular practice of meditation. Research has shown that it can help with even more serious issues such as anxiety and depression. So, it’s time to engage in meditation so you can hold space for those thoughts and emotions.

Deal With Your Emotions Immediately (or At Least As Soon As Possible)

It is common to want to repress emotions. It can be a way of coping but it can also be a way to escape dealing with your emotions. The problem rarely ends up being dealt with it. This is why it is good practice to decide to work through your emotions when they come around. Emotions can feel heavy and unbearable but stuffing them away can create anxiety or anger. Thoughts and feelings that go unresolved or unchecked always seem to show up in the most unexpected places like your friendships, relationships, and even at work.

Overall, it can be a challenging task to make the decision to address your thoughts and emotions. With therapy, you learn to stop avoiding your feelings, process them, and find the root cause of them. In a therapeutic space, you can practice mindfulness and meditation in a way that will gradually help you be more comfortable with holding space for those uncomfortable feelings and get more comfortable with processing them.

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If you’re struggling with running away from your feelings, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those thoughts and emotions. I offer adult counseling and online support groups. Contact me today or schedule a free consultation session.

4 Biggest Stressors In Modern Young Adult Life

You’ve just graduated high school and are now pressured to attend the real world of either working or furthering your education. But how are you supposed to know what to do when the only classes your high school offered were based around math, science, and reading? Graduating high school and deciding what to do for seemingly the rest of your life can be really stressful. Here are the four biggest stressors that affect young adults in modern society.

No free time

Young adults never seem to have enough free time to get everything done that they have to. They seem to use up all of their time either working, at school, or both. Because of this, whenever they seem to get any free time at all, they have to spend it either going to appointments or catching up on chores. This creates stress because they feel like they have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Relationship problems

Every teenager has relationship problems, but as they get older, they seem to be more pressured into finding someone to spend the rest of their life with. Sometimes their friends and family pressure them by always asking about when they’re going to find a partner or they feel pressured by constantly being surrounded by their friends who are already in relationships. Young adults in modern society feel pressured to find a partner, and this creates stress as well as lowered self-esteem.

Moving out

By living with their family for their whole, it can be very stressful when they realize it’s time to move out. Not only is the whole process of moving out a pain because of the packing and unpacking, but moving out breaks their routine that they’ve had for so many years. Whether it’s moving out into a dorm room, moving out into an apartment with friends, or even just moving out to be on their own, all of these can be stressful and create pressures in their life.

Financial worries

The biggest stressor for everyone is their financial concern. For young adults specifically, starting to generate a credit score is a big pressure placed on them. Consequently, understanding how a credit score works can help them maintain a good score. A credit score is a number that lenders use to contemplate whether or not to loan you money. In the United States, your credit score is known as your FICO score and is composed of 5 factors. These include your payment history, debt burden, length of your history, types of credit, and recent credit searches. Once you understand how a credit score works, you’ll be able to manage and maintain it better.

Overall, transitioning into the life of an adult and into the working world can be stressful. There are so many pressures, and so many different people are expecting different things from you. But with the right mindset and support from friends and family and with the general understanding of how the working life is managed, you can better understand how to accustom yourself into the new lifestyle of living as an adult.